I am on my way in reclaiming my old-self, by leaving an all-girls collective (I constantly annoyed by thousands convos I received daily on my phone, apart from being in a collective is not my thing after all and I won't let that happened to me again, ever), stepping up my drawing techniques and geeking-out on games, books and other fun stuff.
I think, I am more and more interested to be a kidney bean.
Kidney beans, it is a way to utter my feeling of longing for a new start. Sometimes it won't grow, no matter how hard you nurture it. In the other hand, if you just let it be, it will magically grow.
But as a virgo, I want everything within reach and predictable, so I believe more in careful planning and scientific calculations instead of just wing it.
Being invisible for me is just like beans.
The final result is actually there, but remains to be a hidden gem under certain circumstances. People won't care much about beans, since it stays under ground. What really matter is the sprouts.
Being invisible is not like Banksy or come up with gibberish pseudonyms.
It is about how I "standout" without shouting too loud about things. My family did not know that I had 2 cm wide pierced earlobes, until I let them see me without my piercings/plugs on. Well actually, no one realized it was that wide, even my boss and co-workers. For sure, the 2 cm thingy is not a biggie deal.
Being invisible is about how I develop my drawing skill.
It is so hard to find apprenticeship to a mecha or sci-fi artist. Sometimes I have to take hard ways to learn skills I want, such as spent weeks of working on the same piece and copious amount of sketch-erase-repeat to achieve certain shape and technique. Even accepting that I am not able to do certain style or shape is a part of it.
To be so good at things we love equals to sacrificing other things we love too. If I want to be good at playing Magic The Gathering, I have to spent more times playing Magic Duels on Steam and testing my decks with other player at game nights. I am not afraid of being bored through the repeated phases.